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The men describe the futility in trying to communicate their distress, as it results in finger pointing that they are the problem or leads to a complete shut down in communication.
And if, as I suspect, many women identify with some part of that description, as most of us nudge, nag and have a “honey do” list, then why are some women so energized against owning any of it?
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But if that second part never occurs – the part where you listen – and instead is upended in an emotional brawl of sorts, that bodes badly for the future of that Coupledom.
Intimate relationships are dependent on just that kind of exchange for their survival.
In my experience, this lady was unusual as she owned that she had spent years being emotionally abusive to her husband.
The men are energized by the post, seeking to voice what the culture tends to keep hidden, that women can be bullies too.
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Why then do these women seem so frightened to have this conversation? In the service of offering something new and useful in the Bully Wives discussion, I reread my original article, , and reviewed many of the comments left, mostly by husbands and some wives. What was most striking in my review is the apparent resistance to a discussion on the part of the women and a dismissal of their husbands’ feelings, though a few women commented or contacted me showing a sincere interest in changing.
One woman who lived some hours by car from my office, after reading the article, was horrified to recognize herself in the profile of the “bully wife.” She called to see if we could schedule intensive couples visits.
Yet, few women have come to me to say, “I am that woman, can you help me? In general, owning our behavior, when it is characterized as “bullying” or abusive, is not a popular pastime and few leap into the fray to say “Yep, that’s me.” But in the case of women who traditionally have been the nest building and family emotional health experts, this seeming absence of taking steps to prevent a domestic situation deteriorating seems worthy of exploration. How do the men who responded to my post describe their wives’ behavior?